Brand-new, Untested Wings

God has impeccable timing.”

That’s what I told a friend today as she struggles with post-divorce dating and heartbreak.  If someone had told me that last year as I struggled through a severe depression, I’m not sure I would have agreed.  Not that I lost faith, so to say, but I might have argued that God had just forgotten about me.  Especially the nights when I was a puddle on the kitchen floor.  A soul-stroke.  That’s what I told my therapist.  I had a soul-stroke and nothing made sense anymore.  I lost everything I knew.  Beliefs, views, insights, and mostly myself.  I even lost my friends as three months passed when my phone didn’t ring. 

Without delving into what lead to my depression, I can say that all of it was part of God’s plan.  It drug on for years and seemed to have no ending.  By last year, I’d lost hope.  As this past year raged on and it seemed like one thing after the other was trying to take me back to my kitchen floor, I watched as God’s plan for me unfolded.  I am the first one to admit impatience. I want to know everything right now so that I can start making sense of it.  But that’s not the way life works.  Things unfold, and sometimes unravel, at a slow pace, revealing little bits at a time.

Sometimes, it unfolds slowly for years until the right time when it all falls away.  Answers become clear in an instant, sometimes overnight, and years of wondering disappear because you know.  It’s in your heart.  That’s what has happened to me over the past few weeks.  Years of unfolding, ending with a quick unraveling, that is leading Jaz and on an adventure that I never believed I had the courage to face.  Had I not experienced the last few years as a puddle on the floor, I would still be afraid.  Change is always frightening, like jumping off a cliff with brand-new, never used wings and hoping that you fly.  Fortunately, the fear of jumping seems small in comparison to what I suffered the past few years.  I believe Anais Nin said it best when she wrote, “”And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”

Timing is everything. The right situation at the right moment in the right atmosphere can make or break a story.  Introducing characters that have the right impact in the right situation.  Timing.  If only my timing in fiction were as impeccable as God’s, I’d have it made.  But as God knows, I have an impatient streak that wants to write in characters right away.  I want to throw in everything now and make sense of it later.  But patience, as a writer, can make or break a story.  It’s a skill I’m slowly learning.  Every day gets better.

In cutting this post short, I’ll leave you with these words.  Trust in natural timing, whether on paper or in life.  Take the leap of Faith and enjoy the flight down with your brand-new, untested wings.

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About author A. Lynn

A. Lynn has enjoyed the craft of writing since she finished the songs in Barry Manilow's songs as a five year old, prancing around her grandparents rural farm. Her style has changed as she's grown up. In the past ten years, she's experimented until finding her style and voice. Now, she's ready to take an effort to share her stories with the world. amberlynnk@yahoo.com View all posts by author A. Lynn

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