I am imperfect. In so many ways. I am clumsy to a fault, hurt myself in my sleep, become overwhelmed by emotions, and bring social awkwardness to every engagement I attend. I have bad habits that I keep trying to overcome, say things I shouldn’t, and regularly get lost in my thoughts at inopportune times. I don’t everything that I should and I worry about things that I shouldn’t. I never walk out of the house with a complete outfit fit for a for a fashion magazine. In fact, I probably would only grace the pages on a “what not to wear” page. My eating habits are strange, at best, and I have no motivation to exercise, even though I know I should. I can come off as arrogant, but harbor deep self-doubt. And more times than not, the only thing I want to do is to lock myself in my house and disappear with deep prayers that the world will let me.
But I keep going.
We live in a society that tells us perfection is the expectation. In jobs, on dates, at the grocery store at 9 a.m. on a Saturday morning. Society tells us to play the part and keep going. Every new person you meet is going to be perfect and beautiful and everything that you aren’t. We expect that of each other upon first meetings. Pack on the makeup, create a perfect curl, pick your outfit accordingly down to the last detail.
And somehow, we are always disappointed.
But I am not perfect. I will continue to stub my toe on doorways. I will be taken hostage by emotions at the worst times. I will have too much too drink and share too much about my thoughts. I will giggle inappropriately because I don’t know what else to do. I will be silent when I should talk because I don’t know what to say. I will scratch myself in my sleep.
For all of my imperfections, I will cherish them because they are what makes me the glorious being that I am. And people will laugh, or scoff, or hate, or just plain avoid me. But I will still be me. Because their rejection is based on an unreasonable expectation. Their rejection has nothing to do with me. Because reasonable people don’t expect perfection. Reasonable people laugh with you about your flaws and appreciate you despite them.
Society has created the imperfection paradox that we constantly strive to overcome, while making it impossible. So, I reject the expectations and accept that I will never be perfect. And the truth is, I never want to be. Because reaching perfection leaves nothing left to learn, nothing left to strive for. How boring would that life be?